Menopausal Magic...

So many interesting thoughts and realisations have started arising now that I have created a space to explore this extraordinary process I am in. This blog has quickly transformed from an ‘anchor in a choppy sea’ into a vessel that I can use to channel all the intense energy that is being generated within me. In a few short days I have gone from flailing around in an ocean of ‘menopausal madness’ to staring at the night sky with a map and compass feeling immense wonder at the magic of it all…

My menopausal journey began when I was about 39 with night sweats and a general feeling of ‘hotness’ at night. Although I never received a positive blood test result to confirm it, the only explanation I could come up with was perimenopause. Around the same time I noticed a small acne spot on my cheek that, rather than clearing up over time, gradually grew and then developed into a small cluster. Great, I thought, another round of hormonal acne to deal with! Of all the symptoms, this one scared me the more than any other potential menopausal malady because I had suffered terrible acne as a teenager and really didn’t want to go through all that again. Thankfully the rosacea never got too bad and I eventually (happily) discovered that applying Tea Tree and Lavender daily was more effective than antibiotic creams I was prescribed. I was aware of the physical changes right from the start and because none were massively disruptive and I knew that the transition could take years, I had no real issue dealing with what was happening to me.

I decided to monitor the changes myself and seek herbal and other complimentary remedies as required. Just before my 42nd birthday my periods went completely haywire and so I started taking two herbal tinctures – Agnus Castus to regulate my cycle and Sage for the increased night flushes and general sweating – both of which really helped. (By the way, Neal’s Yard provide high quality tinctures for incredibly low prices – currently around £19 for a massive 300ml bottle – and they will even create bespoke mixes for you – I HIGHLY recommend them!) For the next three years nothing else changed much except last year (aged 44) I started to experience disheartening fluctuations in libido and lubrication, a topic I will explore later on.

Recently, when I started desperately scouring the internet for help dealing with the more tricky emotional aspects of the menopause, I noticed that most of what is available out there is about menopause ‘the medical condition’; i.e. info on symptoms, tests and cures. It all seems to be about keeping healthy and minimising disruption to women’s lives so they can continue to function ‘normally’. While I am in no way suggesting that the medical and health aspects are unimportant, what I find striking is the complete lack of information on the emotional and spiritual aspects of this process.
 

Anxiety, depression and mood swings are of course all ‘on the list’ but from what I have read so far, are usually only talked about in purely medical and health terms. In the end it all seems to be very practical and any guidance on the deeper significance and meaning of this important Life Transition appears to be totally absent or at least carefully hidden from view. I am beginning to realise that this blanket of social denial about the deeper aspects of menopause is the main reason I have been feeling like I am going mad; how can I find a way to navigate my way through this powerful Right of Passage in a society that is steeped in such ignorance and denial?

I am very sure I am not the first woman to raise this issue. I am also well aware that our society fails to offer women spiritual guidance on any of the feminine mysteries – i.e. menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood – but what has become painfully clear to me over the last couple of days is that the menopause stands out as being the single most neglected and repressed of all the female mysteries and this neglect is having a direct and profound impact on my own personal experience. Not only does the general lack of supportive guidance cause sensitive women like myself additional distress and confusion but also, by failing to acknowledge this essential aspect, we are sadly missing out on the potential gifts that can be gained through fully engaging with the experience.

I have only been writing about it for three days, but already I feel like I am seeing the menopause as so much more than a list of ‘inconvenient’ symptoms that I must learn to tolerate – Today it feels like a portal of spiritual and emotional possibilities have opened up in front of me and I am actually feeling excited about exploring them. Of course, I could be in the grip of a severe hormonal mood swing but maybe, just maybe, I have just caught a glimpse of something real that lies beneath the veil of denial…

Goddess Blessings ♥