The timeline is in reverse order, starting at the bottom, and will get more detailed as time goes on. Hope you find it useful!
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To be continued... (Note: timeline starts at the bottom of the page)
Feb 13 - Turned 42. Had had a couple more weird periods that came early and went on too long so I started taking some tinctures; Agnus Castus to regulate my cycle and Sage for general sweatiness. I had never really sweated much before - but by this point I was having to wash and re-deodorise my pits in the afternoon and got unbearably hot, sweaty and uncomfortable if the central heating was on too high. Not really a problem at home where I could control the heating - but an absolute disaster when I started my new accountancy course!
2013
Dec 12 - Went to visit my mum for Christmas. Had my first really weird period: I bled for two weeks, had four days off then bled for another 10 days. Hit another rock bottom with my mother's behaviour towards me. I was hoping things would work themselves out but this episode had me sobbing my heart out non-stop on my 8 hour train journey home. (I am really not exaggerating - people actually asked me if I was all right.) I vowed to pull myself out of the hole I was in so I could feel strong enough to walk away from her.
Oct 12 - After 3 years living in the 'Somerset wilderness', I moved back to Bristol feeling like a new born baby freaked out by the noisy, brightly lit hospital delivery room. I was completely bewildered and stressed by being back in the city.
Sep 12 - After completely surrendering myself to Spirit / Goddess, I earnestly asked for guidance on what to do next. (I needed to move from the flat and get myself back on my feet financially.) I received 3 dreams over two weeks - all clearly telling me to move back to Bristol. Actually, in the dreams I was telling my Bristol friends I was moving back! It was the absolute last thing I wanted to do - but knew in my heart it had to be done as my time in Somerset was clearly over. On my first trip to Bristol I found a place to move to - in fact I chose the first flat that I looked at because it was in my favourite part of Bristol, nestled away in a wooded area right by the River Avon.
Aug 12 - Massive meltdown - loads of really weird shit happened and I ended up holing myself away from everyone for several weeks. Had a huge realisation about my relationships with my mother and sister but decided not to act on it until I was in a stronger situation - I really couldn't deal with any more trauma. Channelled the spiritual crisis I was experiencing into a ritualised Shamanic Death, where I literally and completely surrendered my will and my life over to the Goddess. During this 'vision quest' period, I received HUGE spiritual insights and also discovered The Goddess Triangle. (Something I will share about later in the blog.)
Jul 12 - After Mr Inappropriate chased me relentlessly, I finally became ready to end it for good. This marked the end of an 8 year 'on - off' ridiculous, tortuous 'relationship' - I simply no longer had the desire or energy to keep trying.
Mar 12 - ended the most recent 'episode' with Mr Inappropriate...
Jan 12 - Extreme mood swings going from spiritual euphoria and communion with The Goddess to wanting to kill myself in utter despair. Was feeling so desperate, I re-ignited a liaison with the Most Inappropriate Man In The World who I hadn't spoken to in several years. Had lots of hot wild sex but remembered with dismay why I could only tolerate being around him for a couple of weeks.
2012
Dec 11 - Went to visit my mother for Christmas while experiencing the darkest mood of my life. Mother pointed out it 'was not like me' and suggested perhaps it was because of coming off all the drugs. It definitely felt 'chemical' - and it was a huge relief to have what seemed like a highly plausible explanation. Despite the increased night sweats neither of us considered that menopause could also be a factor.
Oct 11 - Came off the drugs , some of which I had been on for a few months. After initial drug induced post-op spaced out strange euphoria wore off, I hit a wall of depression and started having very dark suicidal feelings. At this time my night sweats came on much stronger and more regularly and I was beginning to fear that I would develop full blown acne - something I suffered as a teenager.
Sep 11 - Second prolapse which had me admitted to hospital for an emergency operation. Left hospital on tons of strong medication with no programme or support for coming off them. 4 weeks recovery at home alone. (Neither Mother nor Sister interested in looking after me...)
Aug 11 - After 20 years of trying to 'resolve things', I finally walked away from my Step Mother for good. It was like someone had switched something off in me - I simply no longer had the desire or energy to keep trying.
Apr 11 - Finally broke up with Merlin - on the day of the Royal Wedding! Oh the irony!!
Feb 11 - Turned 40. The morning after my birthday party I cried in my mother's bed as I knew my relationship with Merlin was over. Around this time or a bit later, I started getting small rosacea patch which grew steadily.
Jan 11 - Got a dog with Merlin. Back started playing up again - probably triggered by walking a huge dog that pulled a lot. Relationship started breaking down due to withdrawn support and interest from Merlin who seemed happier with his new dog.
2011
Dec 10 - Moved into a gorgeous new flat with Merlin - night sweats started around this time, either just before or just after...
Jun 10 - Moved from Bristol down to Somerset to be with Merlin - not officially living together yet. Started working again
2010
Oct 09 - First disc prolapse. Semi-moved in with Merlin and was off work for several months. My back gradually improved but never fully recovered. (Weight slowly crept back up...)
May 09 - got together with 'Merlin', a guy 15 years younger than me. Felt young, attractive and healthy! First serious relationship in several years. Back started playing up shortly after we got together and deteriorated gradually over six months.
Feb 09 - turned 38. Decided to lose weight (2 stone / 28lbs) Started yoga and became more flexible and supple than I had ever felt in my life...
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