A few weeks ago, when I first started doing research about the uncharacteristic anxiety and dark moods I was experiencing, I
considered that it may be something to do with the menopause. Even I found all my
symptoms on ‘the list’ but still wasn’t convinced because the feelings I was
having seemed too extreme compared to my physical symptoms. I’d always expected
that I might experience some hormonal mood swings once I was no longer
menstruating or if I started having huge hot flushes during the day, but my
physical symptoms really weren’t any different from usual so I couldn’t understand
how these challenging feelings could have suddenly become so intense. I had also
imagined that any hormonal feelings I might experience would somehow be obvious
to me and ‘make sense’ so my overwhelming confusion and cloudy thinking made it
seem all the less plausible that my feelings were being caused by the menopause.
Then I had my first missed period - a ‘phantom period’ lasting 5 days which was physically painful and an unexpected emotional roller
coaster ride. I couldn’t sleep properly or concentrate on anything and all
I wanted to do was run away and hide from the world. A few days later I got my
first positive blood test result in 5 years confirming what I already knew
to be true – I was ‘perimenopausal’. It was only then that it really hit me –
maybe all the emotional stuff I’d been experiencing was related to my menopause after all, it had just came before the next wave of physical changes…
The problem is no one really talks about the process. Yes, there is a
well-documented check list of symptoms, but no one really explains how all these
symptoms relate to each or how they might develop and change over time. There
is little if any mention of the multitude of different layers to the changes or
how these may directly and indirectly impact a woman’s life. In the end, a check
list of symptoms and their possible remedies doesn't really help much when you are drowning in a process you don’t fully understand.
I also found that most of the online information that I found proudly states
that ‘every woman is different’ as if
this is somehow supposed to be reassuring. Unfortunately this sentimental vagueness
offers no comfort when you are staring down from what can only be described as the
precipice of your own demise. Offering this unhelpful platitude while systematically
ignoring the depth and breadth of the menopausal process seems like society’s way
of saying to women – ‘you are in this on your
own – deal with it’. Telling a
woman that her menopausal difficulties are ‘uniquely her own’ not only separates
her from the reassurance of a common experience but also from the community of womankind
which holds the only potential source of genuine support she is ever likely to
receive.
When looking at it from a purely medical point of view, if
menopausal women are found to be suffering from mood swings, then it makes
sense to attribute them to hormones because they are after all the ‘root cause’
of the entire process. However, if we take a step back and look at the
menopause from a holistic point of view, it becomes conceivable that perhaps
some of that anxiety, depression and rage can be attributed to external causes
such as a lack of support in relationships or at work or as a result of feeling rejected and
ignored by society – in short, circumstances that have nothing directly to do
with the woman or her hormones. It also becomes possible to see that although each
women’s journey is unique, ultimately menopause is not an ‘individual
experience’ because all women go through it if they live long enough.
When we step back far enough it becomes clear that actually the menopause is the
final stage of a collective feminine
process, a process that quite literally makes the world go round! All women
play a role in this human expression of the Divine Feminine and the collective patterns
that are forged over time don’t just affect women, they affect everyone including children and men.
When you look at it this way, menopause transforms from a ‘private
medical matter’ into an important step in the cosmic dance of life, a step that
should be explored, embraced and perhaps even celebrated. But when these deeper
emotional and spiritual layers of the menopause are denied or ignored by
society, this empowering vision remains hidden from women’s view like a valuable
treasure map buried in the sand. This leaves individual women isolated and
emotionally vulnerable while going through what is potentially the most challenging Right of Passage they will ever experience.
Menopause does not have
to be approached as a list of medical symptoms or as a private, individual
experience. We can make a conscious decision to view menopause as the third and
final stage of a life-long feminine journey that is deeply connected to our
very existence on this planet. When we are prepared to dig a little deeper,
menopause becomes so much more that a biological process measured by hormonal
fluctuations; the process of menopause has the potential to be experienced as a
powerful spiritual awakening that calls into question every single aspect of
our beingness; - our sexuality and
creativity, our inner emotional landscape, our relationships with others and even
our collective position within society.
Over this past week of writing I have become aware of this exciting
possibility and in doing so have started to feel infinitely better – not exactly
sane – but definitely better! Since deciding to chart my own menopausal
course against this newly found map, I no longer feel alone in facing this this
wild and scary journey. Not only has meaningful support and sharing with other women
suddenly become a genuine possibility but also I have realised that whether I
am alone or sharing with other women, I can at any time choose to consciously draw inner strength and guidance
directly from the Source of the Divine Feminine.
I am slowly coming to terms that I am likely to be on a
roller coaster ride for a while yet and that I need to look at holistic ways to
minimise any distress. I can see clearly that this means I not only need to
nurture my physical body by taking herbs and supplements, exercising and
eating well but also need to explore ways to meet my emotional, sexual
/creative, mental and spiritual needs while I go through this life changing transition...
Goddess Blessings ♥
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