Sex, Herbs & Wedding Nights

I recently started taking Chinese Angelica to increase my libido but up until now I have been taking a low dose for fear of the herb triggering an early period. I definitely noticed a gentle increase of sexual energy a week after I started taking it, but think I would need a higher dose to get the desired effect longer term. I am aiming to gradually work towards the right level for me, one which will increase my sexual desire without increasing the severity or frequency of menstrual bleeding.

My period is due the end of this week so, after last month's ‘phantom period’ experience, I have decided to increase my dosage of Chinese Angelica from 0.5mls to 1.0ml per day to hopefully help bring it on. If it turns into another ‘phantom period’, (pain but no bleeding,) I will further increase the dose as it worked really well last time. I am aware that at some point the bleeds will cease regardless of any herbs I take and it feels to me like this is going to happen soon. I have made my peace with this (I think!) and in some ways am even quite excited about experiencing the next phase of my menopausal journey. However, I would of course rather not go through any more discomfort than necessary during this transition phase and I believe herbs are the best option for keeping my periods as regular as possible for as long as possible.

Over all, my libido has been very up and down the past few months. There have been a few occasions when it felt like I could set the world on fire and other times where no matter what I did, I couldn’t even muster a tiny muffled spark - but I guess it would be fair to say that most of the time I have just been feeling sort of ambivalent. I first noticed my libido take a sudden, unexpected nose dive last autumn (2015). Because my partner was away at the time, I didn’t pay it too much attention until I was pleasantly surprised by a surge of sexual feelings when I started taking St John’s Wort for something else. (I didn’t even know that it could have that effect until my suspicion was confirmed online.)

Once I realised that herbs really could really increase my sex drive, I did some research and decided to start taking Maca as well. (It is also reputed to be very good for general menopausal symptoms.) I noticed a similar surge in sexual energy when I first started taking it but, as with the St John’s Wort, after the initial rush, it evened out fairly quickly to something just about ‘normal’. When I went to visit my partner over Christmas, I didn’t take the St John’s Wort or Maca with me and was really shocked and disappointed by how quickly my libido was snuffed out. (I didn’t want to take my entire arsenal of pills and tinctures – there would have been no room left in my 'carry on case' for clothes!)

Once I returned home and was back on both herbs, I then had to stop taking the St John’s Wort as I started suffering anxiety and vivid, not very pleasant dreams. I wasn’t 100% sure this was the cause, but from what I have read it certainly seemed possible so I thought it best to stop and see if it helped. (I think that it has helped, though I have discovered that some of this may well have been caused by the menopause.) I also changed over from very expensive Maca capsules to a cheaper powder and unfortunately having to actually eat the Maca has caused me to reduce the dose and therefore the effects. (Menopause is SO bloody expensive!!) So, the reason I have been trying the Chinese Angelica is so I can find a replacement herb that is affordable and doesn’t give me any nasty side effects.

Having experienced going cold turkey from 'libido enhancing' herbs, I realised with great sadness that from now on, I’ll probably need continued help in the sexual department. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I am due to get married for the first time next year. At this stage in our new relationship, the last thing I want is to completely go off sex – I’d like to at least be up for it on my wedding night! If I wasn’t in a relationship I am not sure I’d really care that much because it is hard to miss something you don’t actually have the drive for. But I am in a relationship and my stifled sex drive really is an issue because not only do I want my partner to be happy but I also want to feel free to enjoy the physical side of things with someone I really love.

To be honest I am more than a little bit peeved that my libdo decided to take a nose dive after I met the man of my dreams, especially when I have been single for most of my adult life. Not only did I really want to experience being in a loving, healthy, committed relationship with a man, (something that up until I met my partner seemed completely beyond my reach,) but I also wanted to explore the deeper, potentially spiritual aspects of a sexual union. It is a bit of a bad joke that I have been waiting my whole life for this ‘relational opportunity’ and now it has finally arrived, my body seems to have other ideas!

In addition to calling upon Mother Nature’s ‘herbal help’, I have also had some ideas on how to mentally ‘reframe’ this rather awkward situation into something positive and potentially transformative. I will  be writing more on this later, but for now let’s just say I feel as though I am  ‘hovering’ between two worlds while waiting for my wings to sprout so I can fly off in a new direction...

Goddess Blessings ♥